I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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