I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
