I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
