Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
