i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
