Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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