grandma shit on top of the toilet
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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