i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
