im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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