Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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