Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
A+ Viking dick
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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