Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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