she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
