we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
