my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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