After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
