she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
