Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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