so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
His nipple licking is glorious
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