hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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