every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
