i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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