AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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