Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you will always have a special place in my vag
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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