Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
