I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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