Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
