Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
