I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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