Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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