So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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