Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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