it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
