after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think your dad took our porno
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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