I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
