Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
