gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
