Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
