Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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