question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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