and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
