WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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