if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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