Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i out mim tonsoeep
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