I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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