the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
barbara walters just said penis...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
