WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
