Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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