Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
