He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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