Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
