Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
