When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
