I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
