Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
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Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
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Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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