dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize