hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
